


Break my shackles to set me free

by alkjira



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Depression, M/M, Nori is not coping, Not A Fix-It, Not Happy, Past Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkjira/pseuds/alkjira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo would have wanted flowers, so they had tried, and no one had forgotten to bring them with the roots still attached, and Bifur had brought water, but it didn't seem to have mattered. Nothing mattered.</p><p>The flowers were dying and Bilbo was already dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break my shackles to set me free

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags. 
> 
> Follows canon for the Battle of the Five Armies, which means what you think it means. But it's not the main focus of the story. 
> 
> Um, yeah. Here we go.

"It was not supposed to be this way," Nori told the tiny white flowers that already looked to be wilting. "It wasn't."  
  
Though that was a lie, wasn't it? They had both known-  
  
"It wasn't supposed to happen this  _soon_ ," Nori growled and dug his fingers down into the freshly turned earth. "We were supposed to have decades. A  _life_ together. Not- not-"

Not  _this_.

White, silky smooth petals fell to the ground as Nori touched his dirt-stained fingers to the flowers.

"You're not supposed to be here either," he told them, and then: "Sorry."  
  
Bilbo would have wanted flowers, so they had tried, and no one had forgotten to bring them with the roots still attached, and Bifur had brought water, but it didn't seem to have mattered. Nothing mattered.  
  
The flowers were dying and Bilbo was already dead.

Nori reached into his coat and when he pulled his hand out again the silver blade of a dagger caught the sun; made it a miniature sun in its own right.  
  
It shone as briefly as it did brightly, because it fell into shadow as it fell to the ground, together with the braids of Nori's beard.

He left them where they fell, braids and knife both. It didn't matter anyway.

-

"We're worried for you," Dori said as he pushed a cup of tea into Nori's hands. It was warm and smelled of fruit and spices. "All of us, not just Ori and me."  
  
"Don't be," Nori said and rubbed his thumb over the side of the cup.   
  
"It does not work like that." Dori sighed and sat down on the other side of the table. "You didn't sleep in your bed last night. I checked. You didn’t lock the door either."  
  
"I slept." And he would remember to lock the door next time. Not that it would stop Dori, but he didn’t like the thought of anyone in thei- his- _their_ chambers if he wasn’t there.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. I slept."  
  
The bed still smelled of Bilbo. But it wouldn't if Nori started to sleep in it. Still, it had been tempting enough that he spent the night out on the battlements. The stars were still the same as they’d been last week. The same as they’d been last month. Last year. The same as they’d be tomorrow. It was good. To have something remain constant.

"You look a fright,” Dori tutted.  
  
Nori raised an eyebrow. "Not as pretty without the beard?"  
  
"It' not about the beard. You look like you've not slept at all for _months_ , even though I know that's not true, because-" Dori hesitated.  
  
"Because it's only been a week since Bilbo died."  
  
Dori carefully put his own tea cup down on its saucer before he reached out his hand. As he touched his fingers to Nori’s, Nori’s grip on the cup tightened.

"I'm worried.” Dori’s tone was very gentle. "Why don't you stay here tonight?"  
  
"No, thank you."

"Stay for dinner then?"  
  
"I should be going."

"You've not even touched your tea," Dori protested when Nori began to get up.  
  
Nori raised the cup and drank the liquid down in one gulp. "Happy?"  
  
Dori slowly shook his head. "Nori, it will get better. I promise. It will-"  
  
"Thank you for the tea."

-

The wrong people kept dying.

Thorin was not supposed to have died just after finally reclaiming Erebor. He'd waited one and a half century for it, and then he died.

Fíli and Kíli were not supposed to have died. They'd looked like the children they so recently had been when Nori had seen them last, as they were given back to the stone.

Thorin hadn't looked younger, but he'd looked to be at peace.  
  
Perhaps he thought it had been worth it. He hadn't known that Fíli and Kíli had already gone before him, no one had told him during the brief moment's he'd been awake and lucid before the end. Maybe he still would have thought it had all been worth it, but Nori doubted that.

Thorin hadn't wanted to lose anyone, something Nori had despaired over at the start, because there was no sense in throwing away _all_ of their lives just because their burglar had happened to get himself snatched by Trolls. Just as it was bloody stupid of said burglar to risk himself over a couple of ponies.

At that time Nori hadn't even understood why they'd even need a burglar, much less one like Bilbo.  
  
A Hobbit. A small, finicky, waistcoat wearing creature with big eyes and soft curls. Small hands and big feet and - all right - a surprisingly steely resolve once he'd settled on something.

A kind heart. A brave heart. A heart which was no longer beating.

There was no use in crying about things being fair or not, life had never been and never would be fair. And sometimes that was a blessing that Nori greedily welcomed.  
  
Thorin, Fíli and Kíli had been talented fighters, far superior to the likes of Bofur, or... or Bilbo. But they had died, while the latter two, and the rest of the company, had lived.  
  
Someone like Bofur, he could fight well enough, sure, but he'd not ever been trained in it. And Bilbo, Bilbo hadn't even had any bar brawls under his belt.   
  
Conkers. A children's game. That had been his first thought when asked about weapons.

But he'd been- he'd been somewhat ridiculous with his blade, but he'd tried his best.  
  
And his best had turned out to be surprisingly good.  
  
Good enough to save a king. And his best in areas not relating to fighting had been good enough to save them all, several times over.

Bilbo had survived the battle that claimed Thorin and his nephews, even after Nori had lost sight of him in the fray, which probably wasn’t fair but life had never been fair.

That was the problem, wasn’t it.  
  
-

Nori curled up on the chair and clutched the pillow to his face, breathing in the familiar (still so familiar) smell of his lover.  
  
He'd realised that the scent of Bilbo would begin to fade, even if no one slept in the bed. But he couldn't lie down in the bed or the scent would fade that much faster.

But he  _wanted_ to get on the bed. Then he could pretend that Bilbo was going to join him. Maybe he’d been in the library discussing something with Ori and lost track of time. Nori could go to sleep breathing in the scent of grass and sunshine and when he woke up-

Nori was a good liar. Sometimes he even managed to lie to himself. But only for a little while. _  
_  
-

"Seems to be a good year for the Men of Dale, the markets are overflowing.” Dori paused to take a sip of his wine.  
  
"Perhaps the damage wrought by Smaug was somehow a blessing in disguise?" he continued. "I was talking to one of the farmers and he said this is unparalleled in his lifetime." Another pause, and a glance at Ori. "Though I guess it could just be the difference between Lake town and here."  
  
“I could check the records in the library,” Ori offered. “I’m sure it was studied how big harvests the Men of Dale had each year. It was our food supply too, after all.”  
  
The next few minutes went by with nothing but the faint sound of Dori’s and Ori’s forks against the plates.

Dori sighed. "Brother, are you going to speak to us at all today?"

Nori shrugged. When he did speak his voice was rough. "What is there to say?"  
  
“Please?” Ori said, looking at Nori as if he’d denied him a book he particularly wanted. “I- I miss you talking to us.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say,” Nori said and looked down at his untouched plate. “The state of the markets is of little interest to me.”  
  
“We can talk about other things,” Ori was quick to offer. “Like-“  
  
“Do you want to talk about Bilbo?” Dori said, his voice very soft.  
  
“No.” Nori shook his head, no longer surprised when it didn’t make his missing beard move as well.  
  
“It might help,” Dori coaxed. “Talking is-“  
  
“Will it bring him back?” Nori asked, and the question was met by silence. “Then it won’t help.”

-

"You're going to spar with me," Dwalin declared, folding his arms over his chest.  
  
"I don't think so," Nori replied without looking up from the book he wasn't reading. It was one of Bilbo's favourites. Nori had wanted- he'd thought that if he read it then maybe he could imagine it was Bilbo reading to him, like he'd used to. It hadn't worked. But he also hadn't been able to put the book back down.

"You are," Dwalin repeated and reached out to pluck the book from Nori's hands. The tip of a dagger pressed to the inside of his wrist stopped him.

"I don't think so," Nori repeated.

"Dammit, Nori," Dwalin sighed. "You need to-"  
  
"Sit here and read this book." Hold it, anyway.  
  
"I've hardly seen you since-" Dwalin hesitated.  
  
"Since Bilbo died?" Nori glanced up. "You can say it."  
  
It wasn't like he was going to forget it. Might as well get used to the bite in his chest every time he heard it. Thought it. Remembered it.  
  
Every morning there was a moment of peace before reality came back. And it always hurt so much. Not to remember, but that he would forget - even for a moment - that he’d never see Bilbo’s smile again in this life.

"Yeah, since Bilbo died." Dwalin sighed and crouched down on the floor in front of him. Trying to make himself smaller, less threatening. Which worked about as well as if a lion tried to look like a kitten.  
  
"I talked to your brothers and they say they've not seen much of you either."

"Then I expect they haven't," Nori said and looked back at the book. "Dori's a crap liar, and Ori can only lie to people that aren't friends."

"We've tried to give you space." Nori flinched when Dwalin gripped his leg. "But I'm not sure that's the-"  
  
"Get your hand off me or you'll get to pick it up from the floor," Nori hissed. Even through the cloth and leather, the feeling of Dwalin's hand made his skin crawl. It was the wrong hand. Much too big, much too rough. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

He kicked at Dwalin and immediately when the hand was removed Nori folded his legs up underneath himself on the chair.

Dwalin rocked back on his heels and frowned up at Nori, thick brows knitted together.

"You're not hurting yourself, are you?"

"What?"  
  
When Dwalin reached up Nori slapped his hand away. "I said don't touch me."

"If you promise I didn't just hurt you. Because that shouldn't have hurt."  
  
"Why would it hurt? You hardly even touched me."  
  
"Exactly," Dwalin's eyes narrowed. "And you're not answering the question."  
  
"I'm not hurting myself," Nori said and glared at Dwalin. "Want me to drop my trousers so you can bloody well inspect me?" He’d have to bloody well saw a leg off if it was going to help distract him from the pain in his chest.

"I'll take your word for it."  
  
Nori bristled at the 'for now' that wasn’t tacked to the end of the sentence, but which was clearly audible anyway.

"Fuck you."  
  
"If it'd help I'd be up for it."

As Nori gaped at him Dwalin shrugged. "It's not like we've not before. If it'd help-"  
  
"No," Nori said and shuddered. "It wouldn't." The idea made something deeply unpleasant coil in his stomach. He’d not been with anyone but Bilbo for… well since shortly before they met.  
  
Being on the road with your brothers did not lend itself to fucking, especially not since Thorin ha decided that they should avoid all inns lest anyone would notice that they were heading east and put two and two together.  
  
So there’d been the Dwarf in Ered Luin just before he left, Nori couldn't even recall her name now, and then no one else had shared his bed before Bilbo. Or after it.  
  
Nori met Dwalin’s eyes and tried to imagine a tumble with him, which wasn’t hard as they’d certainly helped each other out in the past. Shuddering Nori shrank back in the chair.  
  
“I’d like to be alone,” he said quietly.  
  
“Perhaps you shouldn’t be,” Dwalin said.  
  
“Then I’m out of luck aren’t I,” Nori said, but without heat. He was suddenly tired all the way down to his bones. “Because I don’t think Bilbo is coming back.”  
  
-

“Nori?” Ori looked around the empty room. “Dammit,” he muttered.  
  
Even after his brother had left Nori remained inside the wardrobe. The clothes were all washed and didn’t smell like Bilbo, but it was still comforting to be able to reach out and run his hand over the familiar fabrics.

Accompanying Bilbo when he needed, or wanted, to have new clothes made had always been entertaining. Despite living amongst them Bilbo had no desire to dress like a Dwarf, and watching Bilbo cajole, flatter and threaten his way into getting what he wanted had been brilliant.

Not that he always succeeded, the red coat heavily embroidered with silver thread was proof enough of that, not being the sort of garment a Hobbit would ask for. Still, Bilbo had fallen in love with it, even if he always claimed to feel silly wearing it.  
  
Nori ran one finger along the finely stitched pattern on the left sleeve.  
  
“No one is ever going to wear you again,” he murmured. “Made for a Hobbit, you’ll not fit a Dwarf. You’ll be here, empty, until one day you’re gone.” Leaning back against the wall Nori closed his eyes. “Makes two of us.”  
  
-  
  
The white flowers hadn’t died after all. Or maybe someone replaced them, Nori wasn’t sure. Either way, they’d gotten company by something larger, a bush of some sort. The leaves were dark green and glossy, but Nori couldn’t see any flowers or even beginnings of flowers on it.

Still, it was green, and that was good enough. The grass had begun to grow as well, and the short curls of Nori’s beard looked like copper as they fell down to rest on the green-brown ground. Of the hair he’d left before there was no trace.

“I hope-“ Nori stroked his palm over the ground. “I hope it’s not too terrible here. It’s not the Shire, but- _fuck_.“ The Dwarf shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not really here are you? You can’t hear me.”  
  
There was no reply. The mountainside was silent except for the distant sound of the waterfalls by the front gates.

“Dori was wrong,” Nori whispered and pressed his hand harder against the ground. “It’s two months now. And it’s not gotten the least bit easier. Sometimes it’s like I can’t even breathe. Can’t move. It _hurts_.”

Nori took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know if-“ He ran his finger over the dagger he’d cut his beard with, then deliberately nicked the pad of his finger against the sharp edge. The blood was starkly red against his skin. “I don’t know if I can live like this.”  
  
Nothing changed after he’d said the words. Mahal did not turn up to punish him for his insolence and the heresy inherent in even talking about ending his own life. It was considered to be an unthinkable act, only, not so unthinkable after all. If it truly had been unthinkable he would never have thought about it, and there would be no laws forbidding it. You didn’t need to forbid an act which would never be performed.  
  
Nori had never held laws in any sort of reverence, and if Mahal truly had anything against it.. then it would be his own fault for making Nori this way.  
  
He'd never asked to fall in love with Bilbo. Mahal could blame it on whichever of the Valar was responsible for the Hobbits. Or Eru himself.  
  
Nori hadn’t asked for any of this.

-

“I can't decide if I hate you or not,” Nori told Thorin's tomb. “I never would have met Bilbo if it wasn't for you. And he would never have been in danger if it hadn't been for you, but you also saved him. Like when the Trolls took him. If you hadn't made us, I would have voted that we'd leave him, and I-“  
  
Nori's voice broke. His rested his head on the cold marble. “It hurts more inside me now than it ever could hurt to die.”  
  
-

The white flowers were not being replaced. They’d spread, and seemed to enjoy their existence, in as much a flower could enjoy anything. The bush on the other hand was gone.  
  
Nori wondered if the flowers would survive the winter.

-

  
"You are starving yourself to death!" Dori’s hands were clenched into fists, held tightly at his sides.

"I eat,” Nori said and stroked his hand over Bilbo’s red coat.

"Not enough,” Dori said tightly. “Do you think to make us mourn you too? Is it foolishness or a deliberate attempt to have your life end with that much disgrace?”  
  
Nori shrugged.

"Bilbo would not have wanted-"

"He's not here, is he?" Nori said and met Dori’s gaze, and instantly the look in his brother’s eyes softened.  
  
“I know it’s hard. But don’t do this. It will get better. And-“ Dori hesitated. “Bilbo was a Hobbit. You can't even know he'll be in the Halls of Waiting."

"I know he's not _here_ ,” Nori said quietly, and Dori paled, perhaps he’d expected Nori to deny that he’d ever thought about such a thing.  
  
“Nori-“  
  
“I will not speak to you about this,” Nori said and when Dori still began to speak he shook his head. “I won’t speak about it.”  
  
“But will you act on it?”  
  
Nori didn’t answer.

-

   
He was sure Bilbo would forgive him. He’d understand. Oh, he’d be angry as anything, but he’d forgive.  
  
But Nori still couldn’t forget all of what Dori had said.

What if Bilbo was not in the Halls to meet him?  
  
They had never talked about such things. And now Nori couldn’t imagine a question he’d rather have the answer for. Where did Hobbits go after they died?

Dwarfs, Men and Elves all went to the Halls, albeit to different parts of it if the tales were true. Would Hobbits go as well? And if Bilbo was there, would Nori find him? If he was not there…  
  
Everyone knew it was not possible to leave the Halls of Waiting, not without Námo’s permission. And it was almost never given. But, perhaps that was simply because no one asked to leave. There was supposed to be peace in death. Not- not the torture of still not being with the one you loved.

-

He knew it worried Dori, but Nori still stayed away from his brothers and the others. It was easy enough to keep to the shadows and the parts of Erebor that were still empty.  
  
He’d need to find a way that wouldn't cause anyone too much upset. Poison seemed like the best option. Something that would make it look natural. It would be a kindness to let them pretend it was, and Nori felt he owed them that.  
  
But he still didn’t know where Hobbits went when they died.

-

The day came when Bilbo had been dead for longer than Nori had known him.  
  
It was a long way down from the barricades. Standing with one hand on a stone pillar Nori looked over the edge, down at the landscape below. The wind caught his unbound hair and made it billow out behind him.  
  
He didn’t wonder if it would hurt, but merely if Dori and Ori would believe that he’d somehow managed to trip. It seemed unlikely. So then the question became: did he care?  
  
Dori’s pale face flashed in his mind, and Nori’s hand pressed harder against the pillar.

-

Already when taking the first drink Nori knew it was a bad idea, but it didn’t stop him from emptying the entire bottle.

“Where do Hobbits go once they've died?" he asked the white flowers, carefully shaping his mouth and tongue around the words.

But there was no answer.

-

He fell asleep. Hand curled around a dagger. When he woke up it was morning, and Dori and Ori stood beside him out on the hillside.

Dori’s cheeks were wet, and Ori looked even more frightened than he’d been in front of the Goblin king.

“What can we do to help you?” Dori asked, his voice a far way from being steady.  
  
Nori shook his head, but he let them haul him off the ground and lead him back into Erebor.

-

The bed didn't smell like Bilbo anymore. Nothing did. Nothing ever would again.  
  
Upon that discovery Nori had frozen where he lay on the bed, face buried in Bilbo’s pillow.  
  
When the sob burst out of his chest he’d choked on it, but the tears could not be stopped.  
  
“Nori?”

The bed dipped slightly as Ori sat down. Nori hadn’t heard him come in. Didn’t know how much time had passed. He only knew that he wanted to die so he would stop feeling like he was dying, over and over and over again.  
  
Nori flinched as a hand gently stroked his hair, but it was impossible to tell as his body was already shaking from the heavy sobs that coursed through him. It didn’t matter.  
  
He must have fallen asleep, because he woke up to the sound of soft talking and the clink of tea cups. Years of habit made him instinctively control his breathing so it was still the deep even breaths of sleep.

"He cried. I think that's good. I don't know if he's cried at all since- Crying is good, isn't it?" Ori sounded anxious.

"I hope so." Dori sighed.

"I don't ever want to fall in love." Ori's voice was hushed. "I don't  _want_ to love someone like that. It hurts him, so much."

"I think perhaps it would have been easier if they'd gotten more time together. And if Bilbo hadn't left us so suddenly.” Dori sighed again, and Nori was struck with the thought that he didn’t recall when he’d last seen either of his brothers smile.  
  
“Nori once- you're too young to remember, you were just a wee little nugget when Nori came home with a broken arm and blood smeared all over his face. He'd refused to give up a stone he'd found to a bully."  
  
"Was it an emerald? He likes emeralds."  
  
"It was just a regular stone, granite I think. The shape was similar to an animal of some sort, I don’t recall, but he'd decided that it was his. So no one was allowed to take it from him. Nori has never been able to give up what he considers his, only, there’s no amount of fighting that can bring Bilbo back."

Nori remembered that stone. He hadn't until Dori reminded him. But now he did, and it hadn't looked like an animal, it had looked like an egg. And it had been beautiful, and it had been his. It had been worth every drop of blood spilled.

He remembered telling the ones beating him that they’d need to kill him first. And he’d meant it. There would have been no dishonour in that. Just tragedy. But no one would have accused him of being a coward. Quite the opposite.  
  
It was only once he’d tore himself lose and run away that the older children had shouted that word after him.  
  
-

Nori began sparring with Dwalin again, and after the first time Dwalin clasped his hand to Nori’s shoulder and gently knocked their foreheads together. Nori didn’t flinch.  
  
“Despite looking like an Elf could break you over their knee you’ve not been as terrible as I thought you’d be.”  
  
-  
  
Bofur hugged him, and Nori didn’t flinch.  
  
“I know it doesn’t help, and it wasn’t in the same way, but I loved him too,” he told Nori. “He was the best of us.”  
  
“He was,” Nori agreed, and did not protest when Bofur hugged him again.  
  
-  
  
“More roast?” Dori asked hopefully, smiling when Nori nodded and held out his plate.  
  
-  
  
“I’m leaving,” Nori said, and the book Dori had been reading feel to the floor.

“Leaving?”  
  
“I’ll go to the Shire.”

“Nori-“ Dori rose from the chair and joined Nori where he was sitting at the table. “You won't- I mean to say, you will not-“ 

“I'll not take my own life,” Nori said and met Dori’s eyes.

“Do you swear, on your love for Bilbo?”

Nori didn't blink. “I do.”  
  
Some of the stiffness went out of Dori’s shoulders. “I- that’s good. And yes, perhaps a spot of travelling will also be. Are you planning on asking Dwalin to-“  
  
“I’ll go alone.”  
  
When Dori made an unhappy sound Nori placed his hand over Dori’s, squeezing it gently. There was a marked difference between their fingers, Nori’s being long and much thinner than Dori’s, not to mention bronzed from spending most of his days out in the sun, lying amongst white flowers.  
  
“I need to go. And I don’t want anyone following me.”  
  
“It’s dangerous to be alone,” Dori pointed out. “Perhaps you can join one of the trading caravans?”  
  
Nori shook his head. “I’ve travelled on my own before, and you know it.”  
  
“Yes but,” Dori hesitated. “I worry.”  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Nori said, and he didn’t know if that was a lie or not.

-

Somehow it didn’t really surprise Nori when he learnt that Hobbits had no clue what the Hobbit afterlife was supposed to be like.  
  
There were plenty of suggestions, but no particular consensus. But even so, Nori’s heart was lighter as he left the green hills behind him, because apart from one grumpy old geezer who had glared at him before declaring that dead Hobbits were usually _buried_ , everyone had agreed that there would be ‘something’ after death. Death was not meant to be the end. There was something more to come.

“I’ll find you, Bilbo,” Nori murmured as he looked up at the stars. “No matter how long it takes. Just wait for me, and I’ll find you.”  
  
- _  
  
Nori had only looked away for a moment, but when he’d turned back Bilbo was gone.  
  
“Bilbo!” he shouted, but he could barely hear his own voice. The sound of the battle raging around him drowned out everything else. The air smelt like blood, metal and sweat, and it was thick enough that Nori could taste it in his mouth.  
  
He called out again, and again, but if there was a reply, he could not hear it.  
  
Cursing beneath his breath about Hobbits that should be on leashes, or not allowed to go outside at all, Nori ducked, stabbed and slashed his way to higher ground. Not that it helped. Bilbo was not to be seen, and Nori’s heart beat faster.  
  
“Bilbo!”  
  
“Nori!”  
  
The band that had begun to tighten around Nori’s chest abruptly loosened again.  
  
“Nori, the Eagles are coming!” Bilbo shouted, and now Nori could see him too, and the relief quickly turned into terror as Nori noticed that he wasn’t the only one.  
  
The Orc tilted its head and the first knife Nori threw missed completely.  
  
“Bilbo, come here now or I’ll bloody well feed **you** to the Eagles.”  
  
His lover did not listen, and instead brandished his small blade against the Orc that was three times his size.  
  
Thankfully Nori second knife hit it right in the eye, and while it was roaring in pain Nori closed the distance between himself and Bilbo and grabbed the Hobbit’s arm, dragging him away.  
  
“Nori, the Eagles,” Bilbo breathed and pointed up at the sky. “There’s so many of them. We’re going to **win**!”  
  
“I’m going to feed you to them,” Nori growled. “That’s what you mean. Of all the moronic-“  
  
Another Orc charged at them and Nori shoved Bilbo towards a nearby Elf.  
  
“We’ll talk about this later,” he said tightly, praying to Mahal and all the Valar that he would be right.  
  
_

-  
 _  
Nori woke when the bed dipped and his hand instinctively went for the blade beneath his pillow, but he relaxed when he heard Bilbo hum silently and somewhat off-key to himself.  
  
“Will you be cursing Bofur tomorrow?” Nori asked with a yawn, rolling to face his lover. He’d no sooner settled on his back before he had a lap full of happy, squirming, very naked, Hobbit.  
  
“Oh, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Despite his apology Bilbo did not look particularly sorry. A bright smile and brighter, slightly unfocused, eyes did not really go a long way to portray genuine regret. Neither did the beginnings of a cock-stand.  
  
Nori snorted. “I’m sure you didn’t.”_

_“Quite,” Bilbo nodded and absentmindedly petted Nori’s chest, cooing happily at a nipple once he’d located it amidst rust-coloured curls. “But while you’re up...would you like to have me?”_

_“Swear you won’t fall asleep again?” Nori asked, grinning up at Bilbo when the Hobbit puffed himself up indignantly and waggled a finger in front of Nori’s nose.  
  
“That was once! And we are not s’posed to talk about it. And now I only drank **wine** and not even a drop of the horrid stuff Bofur gave me on that previoush- previoushes, last time.”_

_“If I’m not supposed to talk about it you might want to shut me up,” Nori murmured, stroking his hands up and down Bilbo’s sides. “I would suggest a kiss. But I will have you know it was very upsetting to be in the middle of shagging you only for you to start snoring.”  
  
“I,” Bilbo said very seriously as he stretched himself out on Nori like a chubby, delightful blanket. “Do not snore.”_

_“You do.”  
  
“I do not.” Bilbo buried his hands in Nori's hair. “I’ll, I’ll prove it to you!”  
  
“So you are planning on falling asleep?”  
  
“Not now,” Bilbo complained. “Later. Afterwards. I’ve not even gotten a kiss yet.”_

_“Terribly sorry,” Nori murmured and cupped his hand to Bilbo’s round cheek. “I will endeavour to-“  
  
Bilbo huffed and leaned forward to press his lips to Nori’s. “Shut up, please,” he murmured and Nori laughed and rolled them so that he was on top of Bilbo.  
  
His lover blinked up at him in confusion. “The world just did something strange.”  
  
“Are you sure you just had wine?” Nori asked. “Bofur didn’t ask you to taste his latest attempt at rotgut?”              
  
“Even if he did,” Bilbo said and squirmed beneath him. “I am a Hobbit!”  
  
“You don’t say,” Nori replied and feigned surprise. Bilbo ignored him.  
  
“And we can hold our drink!”  
  
“Yes, when you fell asleep you didn’t throw up at all,” Nori mused. “There was just the matter of the snoring.”_

_“You-“ the finger was back to swish back and forth in front of Nori’s nose. “Quiet.”  
  
“Yes, as I don’t snore.”  
  
Bilbo actually gasped. “That is a lie. That is the biggest lie I have ever heard. It's even worse than when you tricked me into thinking that Dáin had-"  
  
Nori chuckled and took advantage of Bilbo’s parted lips to give him the proper version of the kiss he’d been asking for earlier. When he pulled away Bilbo’s eyes were closed, and a small smile curled the corner of his mouth upwards.  
  
“That was nice.”  
  
“And you’re not asleep.”  
  
“Oh, shush it.”_

_-  
  
The bees ignored them even though they’d flattened more than a few flowers in the process of undressing each other. Hopefully their towering, grumpy host wouldn’t mind either, but at the moment Nori wasn’t really concerned with such matters.  
  
They had been good for so long, hardly even touching each other with the others around, but now, now they were alone. Now he could touch and caress and squeeze and kiss and-  
  
“Nori,” Bilbo whined and shuddered as Nori’s hands kneaded his arse, pulling him down into each thrust of Nori’s hips. “I-“  
  
“Bilbo,” Nori panted in reply, pressing a kiss to the side of Bilbo’s face. “Do you like this? Is it good?”  
  
“It’s- yes,” Bilbo hissed, his hands tightening in Nori’s hair. “Like that, again.”  
  
“I’ve wanted-“ Nori murmured between kisses. “For so long.”  
  
“How long,” Bilbo moaned.  
  
“Since-“ Nori got distracted by Bilbo’s tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip. “Since forever.”  
  
“Not known me since forever,” Bilbo pointed out.  
  
“There’s that,” Nori admitted. “But to my defence I want you **for** forever. And doesn’t that add up to the same? Forever is forever after all.”  
  
Bilbo giggled and pressed kisses to as much of Nori’s face as he could reach. “No, it’s not, you sneaky Dwarf.”  
  
“Sneaky am I?” Nori asked and managed to free a hand to wrap around Bilbo’s prick.  
  
“Nori!”_  
  
-  
  
 _“You have less sense than a **gnat** ,” Nori hissed as he undid the buttons on Bilbo’s shirt, needing to make sure it wasn't covering any gaping wounds. “What were you thinking going up against someone like Azog.”  
  
“Nori, I’m-“  
  
“I’d say it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen but I honour goes to none other than our king and leader and-“  
  
“Nori, I’m fine,” Bilbo promised, leaning up to gently touch their foreheads together.  
  
-  
  
“I love you,” Bilbo said, a defiant tilt to his chin as if he expected to have to defend himself from Nori’s reply.  
  
The rest of the company looked their way as Bilbo made a high-pitched screeching sound as Nori picked him up by the waist and twirled him around, grinning all the while.  
  
-  
  
_It wasn’t exactly how he’d planned, but it was good enough.  
  
He’d only been about three hours from Erebor when the sounds of combat had reached him; metal against metal and loud shouts.

Dismounting from his pony Nori had crept along to discover what must be several Orc packs attacking a trading caravan, the Orcs and Wargs clearly outnumbering traders and guards.  
  
Nori would have liked to see his brothers one more time in this life, but he didn’t wish to waste the opportunity, not when he didn't know when there would be another one.  
  
It was the perfect solution. Bilbo would hardly be able to stay mad at him at all once he learnt that Nori had died trying to help others, and it was an honourable death.

A good death. Finally.

-  
  
Nori coughed as warm, slick blood from his broken nose filled his throat. At least he thought it was from his nose. It hurt to breathe, but not enough that his ribs would be broken. His left arm hung useless at his side, having been dislocated, but his right was still fine. He could still fight.  
  
He _had_ to fight, had to try his best, or else it wouldn’t count. He couldn't _let_ them kill him. So when a Warg came out of nowhere and jumped on his back Nori rolled, grinning through the pain as his shoulder and ribs were jostled and sank his dagger into the Warg’s skull.  
  
Not bothering to try and work it lose, which would be tricky with just one arm, Nori reached into his boot for a new knife. Most of the traders were dead already, but a few of them had been able to escape while Nori and the guards provided a distraction, most the guards were still fighting, and the number of dead Orcs on the ground was not something to turn up your nose at.  
  
Nori snorted. Or perhaps turning up your nose at dead Orcs were just what you were supposed to do.  
  
He grinned with bloodied teeth when three Orcs approached him at once. With a quick flick of his wrist his knife appeared in the forehead of one of them, and just as quickly Nori held a new one in his hand. He twirled it between his fingers.  
  
“You’ll have to do better than that.”  
  
-

Nori heard the sound of horns in the distance. They weren’t Dwarven, so perhaps it was the Mirkwood Elves. That captain they had met, the red-haired one, she’d died too. Died in the battle, just like Thorin and the lads.

Even if the Elves didn’t know him they’d know him for a Dwarf, and they’d get his body back to Erebor.  
  
Dori would know Nori wanted to be with Bilbo. Not inside the mountain. It- he’d take care of it. It would be fine. That part didn't really matter anyway.  
  
Nori tried again more to get up, but his muscles wouldn’t obey. He’d gotten a little too close to a mace, and now his ribs were most definitely cracked. Each breath hurt like fire, but that was okay. It was a clean pain.  
  
He’d thrown his last knife at the bastard of an Orc that had done it, and then they’d both fallen to the ground. He thought the Orc might be alive too, but no one had bothered with either of them, the fight having moved away in another direction.  
  
Nori found himself wishing for a blanket, he’d started to feel cold, and the absurdity of the thought made him snicker and then wince. Broken ribs, right.  
  
Perhaps it was already evening, because it looked to be getting dark. Strange, it had not yet been noon when he’d discovered the caravan, and surely he couldn’t have fought for that long.  
  
Nori exhaled and right hand twitched against the grass. The sky seemed blue. But it was definitely getting darker.

Perhaps it would soon be dark enough to see the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you think I've handled the matter of suicide in a bad way, if any tags are missing, etc.  
> Like, suicide by Orc would be kinda relevant, but also spoilery, so yeah.
> 
> The story never have been written if not for the song "Run To You" by Pentatonix, but it's not inspired as much as influenced.  
> Title is a line from the lyrics. And diemarysues deserves some of the blame/credit as I required help to fish this one out from other plot bunnies.
> 
> Will read through again in the morning, my apologies for any glaring mistakes.


End file.
